"Deal or No Deal" Banker Implicated in Market Collapse

He lurks on the second floor of an NBC sound stage. No one has seen him; no one knows his name. He communicates only by telephone. A shadowy stranger whose secret identity is maintained by those who profit from his activity.

But now the House subcommittee on Financial oversight would like to have a few words with the mystery financier. Allegations have placed the man known only as "the Banker", co-star of the hit TV game show "Deal or No Deal", at the heart of the financial mess that has caused the stock market to drop to levels not seen since the depression.

A letter sent from Representative Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) to House Finance Committee Chairman Henry Waxman (D-District of Columbia), urged that the probe should focus on the banker's irresponsible spending. According to the letter, NBC claims that the Banker has given away over $20 million dollars to perfect strangers -- without checking collateral. When this website asked NBC how much of the $20 million they expect to get back, the spokesman, plainly embarrassed, said "Nothing. Not a dime."

Experts blame the market collapse on three critical factors:

• Large financial companies holding a significant amount of securities backed by sub-prime mortgages
• Lack of administrative oversight over both the Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae agencies
• The urge to hang with Howie Mandel

Treasury Secretary Pauslon has taken steps to ensure that the billions earmarked for the bail-out don't wind up on the show. "We don't want to put taxpayer's money in some poor shlep's case," stated Paulson.

In Memoriam:

Dolemite star Rudy Ray Moore received the Lord’s final kung-fu chop and passed away from complications due to diabetes on October 19. He was 81 years old.

Although already a star on the adult comedy LP circuit, Rudy struck black gold with his 1975 epic “Dolemite”, a film based on a character he created in his comedy routine.

The title character Dolemite, is a pimp, released from prison to help clean-up his crime-ridden neighborhood. Dolemite wants to pick up where he left off, but gangsta Willie Green, played by director D’urville Martin, is muscling in on his territory. The struggle becomes an ordeal, as corrupt white cops try to frame him back into the pen.

In the middle of the film, Moore performs one of his old comedy bits called “Shine and the Titanic”. This is classic Moore: almost unintelligible and wholly unfunny in a jaw-dropping way.

Based on the success of the Dolemite, Moore completed several other pictures in the 70’s including “Disco Godfather”, and “Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil’s Son-in-law”. All of Moore’s films feature cheap production, monumentally bad acting (particularly Moore’s), dialog sprinkled heavily with four-letter words, and kung-fu.

Prior to movie stardom, Moore made his mark with the adult comedy LP, wih such classics as: “This Ain’t No White Christmas”, and “Sweet Peter Jeeter”. Noted rappers such as Snoop Dogg and Big Daddy Kane cite Moore as the inspiration for their careers.

Memories of Rudy Ray Moore:
Lang Jr.:
“Dolemite played a prominent role during one of our golf trips, as the charming chant “G*ddam Willie Green!” could be heard over four fairways away. He will be missed!”

Glenn E. recollects:
“…if I hear anyone criticizing Rudy's acting, that motherf***** will receive a karate blow right between the crotch of their leisure suit.”

Jim Z. notes:
“[Moore] was an historic figure in our lives…”

Please use this blog to post any additional personal memories of this unheralded legend.

Elvis: What Happened?

I just finished this tell-all book based on stories from three of Elvis’s personal friends and bodyguards, Red West, his brother Sonny West, and Dave Hebler. This insider’s view of the very eccentric Elvis is fascinating. (The photo shows Red West watching while Elvis signs an autograph).

In the book, we learn:
· After his stint in the Army, Elvis got hooked on uppers. Later in the sixties, he started taking downers to get to sleep. At the time he died, he was a veritable mixing bowl of prescription drugs.
· Once, when he was high, Elvis ordered a “hit” on Mike Stone, the man Priscilla Presley left Elvis for.
· Elvis often went on car buying sprees giving new Cadillacs away to total strangers.
· Elvis was a certifiable gun nut.

Red West wrote several songs for Elvis. Who can forget:
· That’s Someone You Never Forget
· You’ll Be Gone
· Seeing is Believing
And these seasonal favorites:
· Holly Leaves and Christmas Trees
· If Every Day Was Like Christmas
You can listen to samples of both songs at:
http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Peace/dp/B00138F2V0/ref=pd_sim_dmt_dmusic_1


You can get the full Red West songwriting story from:
http://www.elvis.com.au/presley/red_west_writing_for_the_king.shtml

Believe it or not, this book is difficult to obtain -- it was released about week before the King passed away! If you want to read it, please let me know!

Surprisingly, Red (still with us!) wrote no songs for the Turkish Wizard of Oz. But if you want to see how awful that film is, I recommend you follow this link. The Wizard’s lair is not to be believed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7a5DCuxJP4

ALVIN SUES THIS BLOGSITE!

On October 20, Alvin Seville filed a libel suit against this blog site http://crummyandhardtofind.blogspot.com . Seville, former lead singer of the group “Alvin and the Chipmunks” is seeking damages of $300,000, claiming the website has been publishing false statements that have impacted his solo nightclub act. Alvin also accuses site owner Lang Jeffries Jr. of ruining his dry cleaning business. According to Jeffries, the site does not carry adequate blogging insurance

Word on the street is that Langfilms, the motion picture distribution company owned by Lang Jeffries Jr., refused to buy Alvin’s self-serving autobiographical screen treatment titled “Alvin:That’s the Way it is”. Per the screen play, Alvin himself had masterminded the trio’s success but was eventually “pushed out” by bad decisions made by others, including gay brother Simon.

However, Alvin’s former bodyguard Red “Nutty” East confirms the statements made in Lang’s blog with his own recent tell-all book, “Alvin: What Happened”. Nutty paints a picture of a spoiled superstar who had the spotlight way too early in life. As the trio’s popularity waned in the mid-seventies, Alvin went deep into booze and drugs, and was ultimately arrested for beating his wife while intoxicated. Nutty also claims to possess videos of Alvin hibernating with married Chippettes. The book further accuses Seville of digging up other rodent’s nuts.

Singing Chipmunk Dead at 58

After a five-year battle with AIDS, Simon Seville passed away on October 9th. He was fifty-eight (in human years).

Seville was one third of the famous "Alvin and the Chipmunks" singing trio, the most widely known cartoon act in the entertainment business. In Spring 1958, the group scored a major hit with "The Witch Doctor", followed by "The Chipmunk Song (or "Christmas Don't Be Late") that fall.

Alvin and the Chipmunks became megastars with their own hit TV show in 1961. Their success was compounded with several follow-up TV series, recordings and personal appearances. Licensing deals, negotiated by their human father, netted the group millions of dollars in the early sixties. It seemed everything they touched turned to Chipmunk gold.

However, in the 1970's, their popularity began to sink, and things began to unravel. In 1972, Theodore was busted for smuggling dope from Mexico and served six months in federal prison. Alvin, unaccustomed to being out of the limelight, took to boozing heavily and in 1974, was arrested for DUI. A few months later, the former leader of the trio was charged with domestic abuse. Then in Fall 1976, the three chipmunks sued former manager and "Dad" David Seville for misuse of funds and embezzlement. The case was settled out of court, but Dad was out.

With this bedlam taking place, Simon, the "thoughtful" chipmunk, came out of the closet. He held a press conference in June 1977, informing his fans that he was gay.

Friends and family reacted to the news sympathetically with the exception of Alvin who accused Simon of being a "fruit" and a "nut gatherer". Friends close to Simon said he was hurt deeply by Alvin's cruelty. The brothers became estranged, with Theodore acting as the go-between on several occasions. They grudgingly reconciled to eke out a meager living on the nightclub circuit.

The trio that had once been coined the "Cartoon Kings of America", were now working lounges to make ends meet. Occasionally, they were booked as a novelty act in Vegas. Still, Alvin refused to sleep in the same room as Simon, complaining he could not sleep with his butt down all night, "for his protection".

Then in 2003, Simon was diagnosed with the HIV virus and began taking medication to stave off the inevitable. Alvin went on record to say that this was a sign from God punishing Simon for his deviate behavior. Without the support of his brother, insiders say Simon was giving up.

However in 2005, the Chipmunks were offered a movie deal. Alvin, now desperate for cash, jumped at the offer. But Simon, barely able to keep his head upright, refused to participate if Alvin was involved. Alvin quickly apologized to Simon for his former actions, claiming he was under the influence of alcohol when he made the remarks. Friends of Simon claim Alvin was acting insincerely and made the apology just to get the gig. But Simon forgave his brother wholeheartedly, and the movie, which grossed over eighty million dollars, nearly brought the trio back to their former status.

But it was too late for Simon to enjoy the resurgence. Friends say that the movie took a lot out of him, and he collapsed two months after the film was released. His closest pals, Snagglepuss and Leonardo (of "Clyde Crashcup" fame), were at his deathbed, and wept as their friend passed gently to the next world.

"He was one hell of a rodent," whimpered Snagglepuss. "He held on to the end. That Alvin business took a lot out of him and I think in the end, he just gave up. Exit, stage north!"

“Santa Lang” to the rescue: Early Xmas for Sudanese Orphans!

Responding to a United Nations plea to support Sudanese orphans displaced by the country’s devastating civil war, Lang Jeffries Jr., chairman of the vast entertainment conglomerate Langfilms, is doing his part. “Never too busy to pitch in,” claims the modest multimedia mogul.

Exploiting his network of famous celebrities, Lang Jr, discovered that Bob Denver’s web site was running a surplus of “Skipper” Christmas Ornaments in its inventory. Round-the-clock negotiations were fruitful; Lang was able to obtain several million of the ornaments for pennies on the dollar. In early December, he will begin airlifting crates chock-full of these Xmas goodies into the country, distributing to any and all children who escape the potential crippling effects caused by the Xmas goody crate-dropping.

The Sudanese government, oblivious to this show of magnanimity, has requested much-needed food instead of xmas tree decorations. But leave it to Lang to defend his action. “How can you decorate your Tannenbaum with a few cups of dried rice?”

Lang, you've stumped us there!