"Bay of Pigs" Saga Revolting

OK, I have to admit Red Zone Cuba (aka Night Train to Mundo Fine) was so staggeringly bad, I had to consult IMDB and Wikipedia to help me sort things out. Let’s just say convict Coleman Francis (yes, the same fellow featured in two of the three Lemon Grove Kids films) goes to Cuba with his two pals, then returns. Occasionally they are on or in a train, but not always. In the interim, we witness several crimes (mostly by Coleman) and firing squad executions (mostly by Cubans). Fidel Castro looks like a shaved Gabe Kaplan with a fake beard glued back on. At least John Carradine is not a doctor in this picture.

“The Skydivers” will complete my Coleman Francis education (Yucca Flats was Coleman’s masterpiece). Perhaps I can use my fear of heights as an excuse to avoid it?

ALSO, if anyone has The Last of the American Hoboes, PLEASE CONTACT ME! I referred to this film in an earlier Coleman Francis entry. Hoboes was directed by none other than Titus Moede who played Boo Boo in Rat Pfink A Boo Boo.

A Pair of Paracinema Definitions

I accidentally DVR’d Haxan from IFC (Independent Film Channel) not TCM. I visited the IFC Web site later, I noticed that the network is celebrating “Grindhouse” month; three horror films every Thursday in June. Although this isn’t Lang’s cup of tea (rather slickly done slasher fare, or “para-paracinema” -- more on that later), I thought it appropriate to advertise, should anyone have an interest. And though several of the films are not technically “Grindhouse” (Scream 3 and a few others on the bill were made after the Slasher Sweetspot of the 1970’s and 80’s), I might advise you to at least watch “The Evil Dead”, co-starring Berkley neighbor Ellen Sandweiss.

Film scholars have coined the term “Paracinema” to describe cult films or films that live “outside of the mainstream”. Exploitation films (like Mom and Dad) made between 1918 and 1960 fall into the Paracinema category. Early Drive-in horror films like “Blood Feast” (1963), too gory at the time of release to be considered mainstream, fall into the category of Paracinema. But as tastes changed in the late 60’s, audiences adjusted to graphic violence (as they adjusted to pornography), and the border between cult and mainstream became blurred. Films like “Friday the 13th”, because of their professional production qualities, were considered mainstream by Paracinemasts, and hence, did not qualify as Paracinema. Debate about the classification of these films continues, and film scholars have recently rebranded the genre as “Para-paracinema”. (Really!)

At any rate, information on Paracinema on the Internet aligns more to the IFC Grindhouse era versus the Exploitation era (1918 to 1960), which means the IFC films are really more Para-paracinema than Paracinema. I also subscribe to Paracinema Magazine which recently contained features on “A Clockwork Orange” (Mainstream), Divine (Paracinema), and Herschel Gordon Lewis (Paracinema)

"Time for Go To Bed!"

So commanded Tor Johnson in the classic "The Unearthly" (Hats off to Mace Bacon who recommended this 1957 stinker). The line is emotionally delivered by "Lobo" (Tor) after Dr. Conway (John Carradine -- who always plays a crummy scientist) asks him to direct the patients to their rooms for the evening. Doc just polished off a sweet Toccata and Fugue to divert attention while Lobo was hiding the Shredded Wheat lady.

Of John Carradine's 339 appearances in movies in television, he was a doctor in 23 of those appearances (including Dr. DeMarco in The Astro Zombies!). I have to believe this film was the inspiration for Carradine's character Dr. Bernardo in Woody Allen's 1972 "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex..." -- ("They called me mad at Masters and Johnson"). At any rate, we get to see Tor's full spectrum as an actor as he sets a personal record for dialogue in a film.

Would y'all mind passin' the ammo, baby?

A book documenting the story of Dr. Gatling’s 1861 sinister invention, the Gatling Gun, has recently been published. Foreshadowing the rapid technical advance in weapons of warfare, this device, first used in the Civil War, fired continuous rounds of bullets using a manual crank, and is considered the first “machine gun”. An unfortunate side effect of the weapon’s dark legacy was the tepid 1973 western “The Gatling Gun”, which, among other failings, featured a dreadfully miscast Phil Harris.

Phil was a burly, boozing bandleader/singer from the Bing Crosby generation who spoke in a hepcat, jazzy slang. He did not bother to alter this style for the film. As I remember it, Phil had the Gatling crank in one hand and a tumbler of scotch in the other, mowing down hordes of confederate soldiers while yelling “Come and get it, baby!”

Reason enough to rent the film. And if this performance touches you, may I suggest viewing the “Lucy Show” episode (please note, not “I Love Lucy”, but its shark-jumped successor) featuring Phil. He sings a love song to Lucy -- something to the effect of : “You were the moon, I was out of tune, You were the stars, I was drivin’ cars”. The song is so desiccated, it dries the tomato soup right off Lucy’s lips. Phil is so taken by his own drivel that he actually starts crying. My God, this is great stuff!

2008 EDFEST SOLD TO CONGLOMERATE; SHAREHOLDERS MEETING TO TAKE PLACE THURSDAY JUNE 19, IN BERKLEY MI.

BERKLEY (AP): On June 19, World-renowned EdFest® is morphing into LANG FEST! The oldest continuous EdFest in the United States (source: Encyclopaedia Brittanica) is transitioning ownership to Lang Jeffries, Jr. owner and administrator of crummyandhardtofind.blogspot.com, (this excellent website!) Rest assured, Ed didn’t do this for the money. “I’m looking to raise general awareness of the festival, and I don’t have the deep pockets or distribution capability of crummyandhardtofind,” stated Ed. EdFesters will have lots of questions about the transition, so Ed has put together this FAQ. If you have any further questions, please leave a comment!

What happened to EdFest?
Nothing! It’s still the best après-work event in the country. All that’s changed is the name! In the future, you will just enjoy it as “LangFest”. In return for his investment, all Lang Jeffries is asking is that we rechristen the event. This is similar to Comerica buying the naming rights to the Tigers’ baseball stadium.

Where is it?
The Blarney Stone Pub, 5:00 p.m. on Thursday, June 19th. The Blarney Stone is on the west side of Woodward, just north of 11 Mile. About a mile north of I696.

Thursday? What is that all about? I do my laundry on Thursday!
Ed and Lang agreed that summer weekends – particularly Fridays -- are difficult to coordinate what with vacations and all. The place should also be less crowded on Thursday.

So is this just a sh*tty, underhanded way of getting people to get to this friggin' blog site?
Ha Ha.

What if I can’t make it?
With the way Ed’s been coordinating things, the next LangFest won’t be until Fall 2010. So I would move h*ll and high water to get there.

Oh, Ok.