Sunday, August 31, 2008

NEW BIBLE BOOK TELLS ALL!





It's no secret that the chroniclers of the New Testament -- Matthew, Mark, Luck, and John -- have focused on "the juicy parts" of the story of Jesus; there are places all over the bible where we witness their lack of interest in the more mundane aspects of Jesus's life. Take for example this excerpt from John 11:44-45:

"And Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, etc., etc."

As the world knows, there are entire years of his life that go undocumented in the good book, particularly that segment when he wanders into the desert.

But recently, rigorous research into these missing years have been unearthed in the Dead Sea Scrolls. And a new book documenting that research, "Forgotten Miracles of Jesus" gives us the whole story!

After his failed apprenticeship in carpentry (he constantly complained about removing slivers), Jesus went into the desert to refine his God-given talents. Not satisfied with bending spoons and guessing people's weight, Jesus worked diligently on perfecting increasingly more difficult miracles. Among those newly revealed miracles, we discover that Jesus:

  • Received a radio signal through a kid's tooth filling
  • Made a circus elephant take a bow
  • Created Tide with Super-stain Fighting Bleach Particles

Although not as complex as feeding 5,000 followers with a single fish and a loaf of bread, Christ's early works clearly indicate he was on the path to greater things.

The book contains over twenty-seven action packed miracles and features a "Christ Challenges" Sudoku puzzle. Makes a great stocking-stuffer!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

CONTEST OVER: NO WINNER THIS TIME!


Nobody guessed the correct answer to the Kissin’ Cousins Song Contest, so the $1,000 prize will be awarded at a contest some time in the future.

The correct answer was “Let’s Get Hitched”, which is an Elvis-movie like song penned by yours truly. All the other songs (including the awful ‘Pappy, Won’t You Please Come Home’) were featured in the movie.

Now, I’m no Red West, but I think this song is real ear-candy; it’s also generic enough to have been included (and immediately forgotten) in any Elvis film.

Lyrics from the song "Let's Get Hitched"
by Lang Jeffries, Jr.
You and me, we should get married
Better do it before we’re buried
Two lovebirds, that’s me and you
Let’s get hitched, it’s what lovebirds do
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched

You be the goat, I’ll be the goat herder-er
Don’t worry, babe, I’m no ax murderer
I did kill a guy once, his name was Fred Maxident
Let’s get hitched, cuz that was an accident
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched

Let’s get hitched, it’s really cool
Let’s get hitched, don’t be a fool
Let’s get hitched,
Does that look like blood in my stool?

Fred’s wife just called, I’m getting sued
So don’t give me any sh*t about not being in the mood,
Unless you’d like your head split with an ax,
Let’s get hitched, cuz I’m hearing voices now
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched
Let’s get hitched
Baby, baby, let’s get hitched!

Copyright 2008 Jenius-at-work Music

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Go West, young man! Red West, that is!


If you've seen as many Elvis films as I have, certain patterns begin to expose themselves. One of these patterns is Elvis's pal and bodyguard, Red West.
Robert "Red" West appeared in sixteen of Elvis' 33 feature films, all in some minor role. In "Harum Scarum", Red played one of the assassins (he would eventually be karate-chopped into submission by the King). In "Tickle Me" he plays a jealous boyfriend who starts a bar fight. (Ambivalence about a "Deliverance" type of role must have kept him out of "Kissin' Cousins.") West also wrote songs for Elvis, Pat Boone, Ricky Nelson and Johnny Rivers! (credit to IMDB).
Red was unforgettable in Clambake. During the worst Elvis musical number ever recorded -- Confidence -- he played a Good Humor man who takes a rubber-tipped arrow in the forehead (maybe it was headed for Elvis). That's what I call a pal.
Pal or not, Elvis's dad eventually canned West and two of his bodyguard buddies as being a little too aggressive in beating Presley's crazed fans back. You can read about it in Red's book: "Elvis: What Happened" (seriously!). Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Elvis-What-Happened-Sonny-Hebler/dp/B000I17ZIQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219624457&sr=8-2
Red has an entry in Wikipedia, in which we learn he is also good friends with Robert Conrad. Quite a coincidence, as I've been told I look like William Conrad (with glasses).

Friday, August 22, 2008

Why You Gotta Love Sam Katzman!



More to come on the Elvis / Sam Katzman collaborations, but here's a sample of producer Katzman's notorious frugality.

In "Kissin' Cousins" Elvis played Lieutenant Josh Morgan AND his country cousin Jody (in his fey Charles Nelson Reilly-inspired look from the film, below right).

In order to make the effect believable, doubles had to be used. But in the musical finale, they weren't trying very hard. Notice "Jody" in the red circle. Christ, they didn't even try to match hairstyles! (Click to enlarge photo).

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Steckler SeQUAL


Sorry for the lack of recent posts; on vacation and whatnot. I'm also working on a dynamite piece featuring BOTH Elvis and Sam Katzman -- NOT TO BE MISSED!


Exciting news to report on, however! Even though no one entered the contest for the free T-shirt, Lang scored his own personal t-shirt ("The Master Would Not Be Pleased"), a birthday gift from the Tea Lady herself...therefore a plug is in order! Visit her at: http://barbsteashop.blogspot.com/


The T-shirt enhances my svelte figure, particularly the beer gut, which expands this website's URL (very handy!)


TCM note: Though TCM has dumped their usual Friday night goodies in August, they pick up again in September. Set the DVR for 2:00 a.m. on Friday September 5, and record the DOUBLE STECKLER BILL of Incredibly Strange Creatures, followed immediately by Rat Pfink a Boo Boo.


ALSO, the picture above is taken from Steckler's latest Opus, "One More Time", a non-sequal sequal [the Steckler spelling of "sequel"] to Incredibly Strange (that's Steckeler himself in the blue hoodie). The non-autographed version is $20.00 plus $3.00 shipping, while the autographed version is...oh, $20.00, plus $3.00 shipping. Go directly to http://www.raydennissteckler.com/ , if you dare!

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