Adults Only: Indecent Doris

For those of you that have access to On Demand (Comcast Channel 1), I encourage you to visit the The Cutting Edge / Something Weird / Retro Erotica channel and view Indecent Desires, a 1967 release by notorious female filmmaker Doris Wishman. I had only seen excerpts of Doris' work (Nude on the Moon) in other compilation videos, and Something Weird delivers only 30 minutes of the seventy-five minute release, but it's enough. The story concerns a nerdy guy who finds a doll in a wastebasket, and uses it to perform a kind of sexual voodoo. Although the movie is bad, calling Doris Wishman the Female Ed Wood does her a disservice. Although light in the story line, it is coherent, and even predictable.

I advise you to view it while you can; Something Weird turns their videos over every month. And take the opportunity to explore the other categories in Something Weird -- the movie trailers are not to be believed!

"Nothing bothers some people; not even flying saucers"

For those of you who enjoyed the Lemon Groves Kids films, you should note that "Big Ed" was played by none other than the great B-film director, Coleman Francis. Coleman's legacy includes "Beast of Yucca Flats", "The Skydivers", and "Night Train to Mondo Fine". I have only seen the first of these cinema classics (Yucca Flats) and can attest to its awfulness. I am told (and will have no trouble believing) the others are equally as bad. The dialog (or should I say monologue, see title above) -- done entirely through voice over -- should give you an indication of the film's quality. Coleman also starred in "The Last American Hobo"; a film about hobos. Poor Coleman was eventually "caught up in the wheels of progress" and passed away in 1973.

For those interested in seeing Yucca, let me know. You can borrow my copy.

New Local Horror TV Show offers fun and life-altering traumatic experiences for Future Generations!

For those local Detroiters who have been clamoring for a crummy sci-fi fim fix, a new pusher has arrived! Beginning in March, you can see Wolfman Mac and Nightmare Sinema on MyTV20 at 1:00 a.m. on Friday nights. The show features the best of the worst in sci-fi and horror, along with old commercials and music videos. The following website contains all the information you need to know:

http://www.nightmaresinema.com/index.html




I recall fondly the wonderful Sir Graves shows that used to be on Saturday afternoons. However, I have to admit I had to see a psychiatrist to help me get over my crush on Tillie. And even though I sent several crayon drawings to Sir Graves, none were ever displayed (those, too, went straight to the shrink). I truly believe we need to extend these peculiar experiences to our children.

At any rate, let's support the Wolfman and keep horror on local TV!

It All Started with VD

Book Review: The last word on exploitation comes in a book by Eric Schaefer called: Bold, Daring, Shocking, True. No less a personage than David Friedman himself passed the "shibboleth" on to Mr. Schaefer, recognizing his efforts in compiling this encyclopedic evaluation of the genre. Along with a 40-page appendix of films and a fine selection of illustrations, Schaefer convincingly argues the evolution of exploitation (its roots are in silent, government sponsored sex hygiene films used for military training, circa 1919), and thoroughly analyzes and explains each sub-genre, up until 1960, when organized censorship was beginning to unravel. The discussion gets a little too analytical in the chapter regarding burlesque films, but other than that Schaefer keeps it grounded and interesting. Mandatory reading for anyone interested in this category of cinema art.

P.S. I apologize for my lack of posts this last week, but I am engaged in an investigative piece so far-reaching that certain film personalities will be stunned by the evidence! I am hoping to wrap this project up in the next week, so PLEASE continue to review this blog on a regular basis!!!

John Agar comes back from the dead to Bookmark this Blog Site

B-movie Icon John Agar recently rose from the dead in order to bookmark crummyandhardtofind.blogspot.com and he encourages everyone to follow his lead.

"It's lonely 'down under' -- and I don't mean Australia! Reviewing the wisdom of Lang Jeffries Jr. has kept me 'alive', so to speak for this many years" [Agar passed away on 2002].

Normally, the authors of this site pride themselves on their modesty, but with an endorsement like this, how can we refrain from boasting!

Thanks, J.A. -- and rest in peace!

Tonight: Turner Classic Movies presents Notorious B.I.G.

Bert I. Gordon (aka Mr. B.I.G.), the director responsible for King Dinosaur, The Amazing Colossal Man, War of the Colossal Beast, and Village of the Giant, (think The Royal Guardsmen and the Snoopy versus the Red Baron songs) apparently looked through the wrong end of the telescope to create “Attack of the Puppet People”. Notorious B.I.G. was leeching off the success of sci-fi predecessor The Incredible Shrinking Man. Stars John Agar, of course. Set your DVR for 4:00 a.m.

And just in time for Easter, here comes Peter Cottontail, bringing his thundering wrath of bloody carnage and half-eaten human carcass down the bunny trail. Rory Calhoun and man-eating rabbits star in Night of the Lepus. Set your DVR to 2:15 a.m.

I'm working from home as a Kroger Bucks Processor!

Do you ever dream of going to work in your slippers? Having a daily commute of about twenty feet? Goldbricking on your own toilet, where people can't look underneath the stall, recognize your shoes, and say "Hey, Ed -- you can give up your seat now, the performance is over?"

Julie Weinbratz did, and now she makes thousands processing Kroger Bux from home!

Due to an overwhelming demand, the country is in urgent need of processors who can convert web activity into Kroger Bucks! After deleting your favorite porn links, you should have enough space on your computer to perform the instantaneous transmutation! And it only takes minutes to learn!

Contact Lang Jeffries Jr. now and ask for details. Start basking in the success of being a Kroger Bucks processor!

Luv those Kroger Bucks!!!

Correction! 3-way Tie for Mr. Roof Last Line

Please accept Lang's apology, but there was third entry to the Last Line contest that deserves honorable mention, although it looks like the author borrowed a little from "Planet of the Kogars".

Congrats: 15 kroger bux to you and yours!

Sad to say I can't find much dirt on Romeo Barrymore -- Kogar's limp-wristed trainer. You'd think with a handle like that there oughtta be a fan club or something. Somebody should start one. I'll join.

R.D. Fest on TCM and other vital information!

I'm sure most of you have already viewed the two incredible R. D. Steckler films presented last night on TCM! I was a virgin for "The Incredibly Strange Creatures.." and was well rewarded for my virtue! R. D. plays Jerry, a young bum who becomes hypnotized by a carny fortune teller and ends up slashing people while wearing a hoodie. Features several musical numbers much scarier than the storyline. The climactic sequence is a zombie style "From Here to Eternity".

And of course, Rat Pfink a Boo Boo was worth a second look. Steckler trivia: In both "Rat Pfink a Boo Boo" and "The Lemon Grove Kids go Hollywood", the plot revolves around the kidnapping of Cee Bee Beaumont, played by Carolyn Brandt. Both films. You'd think Steak would be at least clever enough to change the character name!

Trivia Contest: "Cash Flagg" -- Steckler's acting alias. No winners!

Winner of the Mr. Roof "Last Line" contest: tie! Both entries made by anonymous ("The Roof? You can't handle the roof!" and "Clam-roof" qualified as winners, and each will receive their prize via the U. S. Mail!

Book Review: In other news, just finished Forbidden Fruit; the Golden Age of Exploitation Film (Felicia Feaster and Bret Wood, 1999, Midnight Marquee Press); an O.K trip through exploitation land. The authors have a tendency to be philosophical and verbose:

"Just as the freak show moved away from a popular amusement in its heyday, to a lower class vice in the travelling carnival circuit, burlesque's fall from grace came from a "bourgeoisification" [her quotes] of the entertainment industry".

And a running feminist rant seems irrelevant. Yet, the book is chock full of exploitation stills, lobby cards, and advertisements that keep the reader captivated up until the soggy conclusion.

R. D. Steckler Contest!

For 1,000 Kroger Bucks, can you figure out the relevance of this picture? Hint: R. D. Steckler.

STECKLER ALERT: Two Films on TCM this Friday Night!

BULLETIN: Two classic R. D. Steckler films will be broadcast on Friday Night / Saturday Morning on Turner Classic Movies: The Incredibly Strange People Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies (at 2:15 a.m.) and Rat Pfink a Boo Boo (at 3;45)

Set your DVR's and don't miss these classics!

Is this Kismet, or what?

Mr. Roof, The Movie

World-famous scenarist Lang Jeffries Jr. has just finished the treatment for a thrilling production entitled "Mr. Roof, The Movie". The film stars former Detroit Tiger shortstop Alan Trammell and voice of the Tigers, Ernie Harwell, reprising their roles from the original Mr. Roof commercial.

The action begins when Ernie and Alan start talking about the new roof. Then the pace picks up when Ernie describes the benfits of a new roof. A joke is then made, and the two of them laugh. Alan pipes in with something, but you can barely understand him. The dialog drags on. Close up of a new shingle. Then Ernie says, "When are we going to get off of this roof?"

Needless to say, the tension at this point is unbearable. Lang doesn't want to give the ending away, but you can bet Kogar is involved!

To whet your whistle, here are the last three lines of dialog:

Alan: We better get outta here! Kogar is coming!

Ernie: Yeah!

Alan: ????????????

To promote the production, Lang is giving 500 bonus Kroger Bucks away to the lucky contestant who writes the BEST final line of dialog! Lang will judge among the thousands of entries and select the winner in a few days. So HURRY! You want to be a part of film history, don't you?