Existence of Regis Philbin Casts Intelligent Design Theory in Doubt

Hundreds of religious leaders from around the globe are converging in Geneva this week to address recent attacks on the Intelligent Design (ID) theory, fueled by new evidence of the existence of Regis Philbin. The jolting discovery could jeopardize the popular ID movement. The ID theory has gained momentum in recent years as the counter-argument to the generally accepted Theory of Evolution. Religious leaders supporting Intelligent Design claim that the creation and order of all things could not have happened by accident; some “intelligent” or “divine” being had purposefully designed the universe and its inhabitants.


But in a recent Scientific American article, Dr. Ronald Derek of Johns Hopkins University debunks the theory by proving the existence of talk show host Philbin. “The religious community cannot deny the existence of Regis Philbin.”


Reverend D. Thomas Fitzgerald, considered an expert in ID theory, agreed that the Philbin argument was difficult to resolve. “It certainly shoots down the whole ‘intelligent’ part of the theory,” admitted Fitzgerald. “We’ll need to come up with a new line of bullsh*t.”


But not all religious leaders are giving up so easily. Monsignor Edward Cotton of St. James Parish in Joplin, Missouri claims that the Philbin discovery actually invalidates the Theory of Evolution. “Archeologists are obsessed about finding the famous missing link; the cornerstone of the Theory of Evolution. Well, gentlemen, here he is, and it’s 2008. Explain that,” counters Monsignor Cotton.