Ukrainian Homosexuals Chafe at the idea of a Petroleum Shortage

KIEV, UKRAINE -- It was a mass hissy-fit in Kiev's Pink Square this morning, after Moscow announced that oil shipments to Eastern Europe will not resume for several weeks yet. Even though the embargo is impacting hundreds of thousands who depend on heating oil, and millions who can't get access to gasoline for their cars, Baltic boy-toys are now complaining that the lack of petroleum jelly has impacted their love lives as well. Limp-wristed rooskies pranced around Pink Square -- many in high-heels -- to create an awareness that the lack of petroleum jelly is leaving hundreds "bone dry".

Spokesperson Ivan Tukissue who represents the light-in-the-loafer contingent called "Soviet Union", sums it up: "We have trouble because Medved thinks he is big oil cowboy. He knows you can't launch Russian missile in desert." The problem is so severe that Ukrainian dairy farms are working three shifts to produce enough butter to accommodate the shortage.