Despite recent bad press regarding phony hedge funds and fake real estate scams, Mike Churnley says his Islands Investment Fund is the "real ponzi scheme deal.""Ponzi schemes have been under attack lately because of negative news articles about Bernie Madoff and other crooks," state Churnley. "But my ponzi scheme is purely above board and openly illegal."
Churnley based his operation loosely on the Amway business model, where people can make more money by integrating friends and relatives into the scam than by selling real estate. "I've got over 300 people in the organization, each investing $5,000 to get in on the action, and I haven't sold a doghouse!" Churnley encourages his "associates" to recruit new investors -- each new investor results in a $500 commission for the associate. The rest of the dough is rolled up to Churnley. "I've made a ton of easy money, and you can too!" he brags.
"This is real gravy compared to the sh*tty old fashioned way of making money -- by working for it," Churnley chuckles. "Just keep your g*ddam traps shut before somebody rats on us!"
2 comments:
As White Fang's attorney, I was disappointed to hear Mr. Sales has not yet put Mr. Fang into his will after years of loyalty and devotion, not to mention the dollars spent on diction classes. But, be that as it may, we are searching for other income opportunities, and this Ponzi scheme sounds like a sure thing. Sign us up. We want to be Northern Dreambuilders, too!
Fred Hammond, Attorney at Law
Fred,
I've already contacted Churnley, and it looks like he can squeeze you in. As part of the deal, you get a case of Whisker Whizz, gratis.
Let's try and put the touch on Soup for 5K; he's in a weakened state and might get sentimental enough to remember the Fang in his will.
L. Jr.
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