Langfilms, a division of the incredibly vast entertainment conglomerate owned and operated by Lang Jeffries, Jr., proudly announces their first foray into documentary filmmaking with the inaugural release, “Sam Sphincter: Man of Vision”.
The fantastic story follows the life of Samuel P. Sphincter, the famous prognosticator whose predictions came true with an incredible accuracy rate of 98%! This modern-day Nostradamus had a twist: he predicted things that would happen in the PAST.
The adventure begins after Sam was struck on the head with a rock – thrown by his mother. “I was aiming at his a*shole father,” claims Mom. After the accident, Sam began seeing visions (mainly from his television set). Shortly thereafter, he began astounding friends with his uncanny ability to predict past events with pinpoint precision. Among his many incredible visages:
· The United States will engage in a War Between the States which will end in 1865 with many lives lost.
· The Japanese will bomb Pearl Harbor in or around December, 1941.
· There will be a fast food restaurant called McDonalds. One day they will serve Chicken NcNuggets – all white meat.
Despite his unusual ability, he did mess up on a few facts. He stated that the huge ocean liner that would sink in 1912 would be called the “Atlantic” (actually, it was the “Titanic” -- it did however sink in the Atlantic Ocean!)
According to the film, which is currently being edited, Sphincter parlayed his prognostications into a successful career with the circus. His famous “Abe Lincoln will be assassinated” proclamation in 1965 stunned many, as it occurred exactly 100 years after the event took place!
‘It was a chilling moment,” recalled former ringmaster Johnny Tremayne.
Langfilms has already shot several hundred minutes of documentary footage, including interviews with close friends and associates. Per Lang, the documentary will shed new light on the mysterious career of this amazing oracle. Worldwide excitement is mounting, and producer Jeffries is being flooded daily with phone calls and emails regarding the film’s release.
“We’re trying hard to squeeze as much through this Sphincter thing that we can,” said the famous filmmaker.
The fantastic story follows the life of Samuel P. Sphincter, the famous prognosticator whose predictions came true with an incredible accuracy rate of 98%! This modern-day Nostradamus had a twist: he predicted things that would happen in the PAST.
The adventure begins after Sam was struck on the head with a rock – thrown by his mother. “I was aiming at his a*shole father,” claims Mom. After the accident, Sam began seeing visions (mainly from his television set). Shortly thereafter, he began astounding friends with his uncanny ability to predict past events with pinpoint precision. Among his many incredible visages:
· The United States will engage in a War Between the States which will end in 1865 with many lives lost.
· The Japanese will bomb Pearl Harbor in or around December, 1941.
· There will be a fast food restaurant called McDonalds. One day they will serve Chicken NcNuggets – all white meat.
Despite his unusual ability, he did mess up on a few facts. He stated that the huge ocean liner that would sink in 1912 would be called the “Atlantic” (actually, it was the “Titanic” -- it did however sink in the Atlantic Ocean!)
According to the film, which is currently being edited, Sphincter parlayed his prognostications into a successful career with the circus. His famous “Abe Lincoln will be assassinated” proclamation in 1965 stunned many, as it occurred exactly 100 years after the event took place!
‘It was a chilling moment,” recalled former ringmaster Johnny Tremayne.
Langfilms has already shot several hundred minutes of documentary footage, including interviews with close friends and associates. Per Lang, the documentary will shed new light on the mysterious career of this amazing oracle. Worldwide excitement is mounting, and producer Jeffries is being flooded daily with phone calls and emails regarding the film’s release.
“We’re trying hard to squeeze as much through this Sphincter thing that we can,” said the famous filmmaker.
2 comments:
Was the entire point of this article get in that last line?
If so... well done.
-Camille of Cnidus
Camille,
I was hoping it was funnier than that; maybe I missed the boat.
The final line came in as a last minute inspiration ---such is jenius.
Lang Jr.
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