Twist All Night -- and earn Kroger Bucks to Boot!

Unlike children, Louis Prima should be heard and not seen. Although the homely bandleader's unique vocal stylings made their mark on soundtracks from Disney to Scorsese, his actual acting career made everyone feel uncomfortable.

In the horrific Twist All Night (aka The Continental Twist, 1961), Louis plays the role of "Louis Evans", a with-it bandleader whose twist grooves keep the cats hoppin' all night. But the owners of the building want to reclaim the nightclub to accommodate their expanding art forgery business. Thugs are hired to break-up the swingin' scene, throwing civic leaders into a panic. Can Louis save the day? Prima is supported by June "The Bust" Wilkinson, who is underpaid in the role of Louis' love interest. Coincidentally, Louis "busts" up a party with a performance of "Dance of the Seven Veils." If the number was half as funny as kiss-ass Sam Butera's spine-chilling hee-haws would suggest, Louis would be a genius in France.

To celebrate the 47th anniversary of this contortionist classic, noted scenarist Lang Jeffries Jr. is offering 15 Kroger Bucks to anyone who reads this blog while doing the twist. That's right, earn an extra 15 smackaroos just for shaking your booty!

Hats off to Lang Jr.!

Start Earning Kroger Bucks for Free Booze!

Lang Jeffries Jr. has launched an exciting new program that rewards bloggers simply for visiting this site!

Starting immediately, bloggers can earn “Kroger Bucks” just for visiting, making comments, or voting in polls. Once 100 “Kroger Bucks” are accumulated, the blogger can cash in for a free 12 oz. beer, non-alcoholic beer, or hard lemonade.!*

Our gay friends can purchase glasses of white zinfandel, or whatever fruity concoction suits their fancy. Here are the details:

Choose your own Rewards Name and log it on the attached Kroger Bucks tracking sheet.
Every time you visit the site, record the number of Bucks you have accumulated based on the following:

Site Visit: 10 Bucks
Vote in a poll: 20 Bucks
Leave a Comment: 50 Bucks

(Note: comments must be more than just “I have 30 Kroger Bucks, only 70 more to go.” Or “I now have 40 Kroger Bucks, only 60 more to go.”)

Keep your total in the “Current Total” cell, next to your Rewards Name. It’s that easy!
Every week, Lang will review the Rewards Sheet and dispense rewards based on Kroger Bucks accumulated. All you need to do is sit back and enjoy your rewards!

FAQ:
Q: How does world-famous scenarist Lang Jeffries Jr. know where to send my rewards?
A: He hasn’t got all the bugs out of the system yet. Let’s just say he’s working on it.

Q: That might take years!
A: It’s all about you, isn’t it? Stop being so materialistic. Your reward comes in the next life.

Q: Can I use my Broger Bucks toward the purchase of a prostitute?
A: Yes.

Q: There’s a beautiful new Porsche I’ve had my eye on. Can I use my Kroger Bucks towards that?
A: Indirectly. After you’ve consumed enough alcohol after cashing in your Kroger Bucks, feel free to steal the luxury vehicle of your choice. The booze should embolden you to illegal activity you may not have considered before!

Q: When can I start earning Kroger Bucks?
A: We’re currently in pilot phase, which should last about three years. I think after that.

Q: I can’t find the tracking sheet!
A: The what? Your line is breaking up…What was that? I can’t hear you.

*Not really.

Jesus on the Rocks

Well, Good News and Bad News...I received "The Prince of Peace" yesterday, but it did not contain the Kroger Babb additions featuring Ginger Prince. Film is just OK, otherwise, and actually looks nice in color. You know the story. No Oscar performances here, although Judas is pretty bad, and the blind guy to whom Jesus restores sight is comical. You meet several of the players in their street clothes at the beginning of the film. Highpoint of the film is when Lazarus walks out of his tomb -- I've never seen a "fresh" mummy before. Also, there are a lot of rocks. This DVD came with a "bonus" short called the "Door to Heaven".

So I'm back on my Ginger Prince of Peace search.

Did Kogar Become Fishman's Latest Snack?

HOLLYWOOD (AP) -- Tom, aka the "Beautiful Fishman", may not have perished in Dr. Trent's "swimming pool" as the ending to "Curse of the Swamp Creature" suggests. In fact, the buggy-eyed missing link has been reported stalking local swamps in search of turtles.

In a seemingly unrelated story, Kogar -- famous chimp of "Rat Pfink a Boo Boo" and "Lemon Grove Kids" fame -- has been reported missing. Kogar had been on hard times after serving a prison sentence for stuffing a date rape drug in a banana. Although it is likely Kogar is sleeping it off in an East L.A. flophouse, one just can't dismiss this odd "coincidence".

In a totally unrelated story, my "Prince of Peace" is on the way! Without a description of the product on the site, I can only pray that the DVD includes the Ginger Prince scenes that flank the passion play. I'll keep you posted.

Incidentally, the votes are in, and you've chosen "The Lemon Grove Kids Meet Chris Hanson" as the treatment most likely to breathe life in the franchise. So it's back to work for Lang Jr.!

New "Lemon Grove Kids" Script!

The first "Lemon Groves Kids" script written in over forty years was recently published by noted award-winning scenarist Lang Jeffries Jr.!

The story, called "The Lemon Grove Kids go to Dealy Plaza", is exciting and fun and teaches kids a bit of history to boot!

To read the exciting treatment, please click on the link below. Producers interested in the script can purchase the exclusive rights for $40.00. If I get no takers, it goes up on eBay next week.

http://home.comcast.net/~eengman/index1.html

The Reel Deal?

Have I finally scored "The Lawton Story"?

I think I've found the picture at:

http://www.brutallo.com/cult1.html

Stay tuned for updates!

Sour on the Lemon Grove Kids

In these three "Lemon Grove Kids" shorts, R.D. Steckler pays homage to the Bowery Boys. In the first short, R. D. bills himself as Cash Flagg and plays "Gopher", the Huntz Hall role. Steckler is predictably unfunny.

Steckler directed the first short, but for the next two features turned the chore over to Ted Roter (real name: Peter Balakoff), who apparently found a tripod. The first short tells the story of two gangs that settle their turf war by running a cross-country race. Somehow it ends up as a monster movie. In the second one, the Lemon Grove kids are visited by a female vampire and an alien grasshopper. In the third, the Lemon Grove kids -- who now number only Gopher, Don Snyder, and three (probably unpaid) kids -- perform housework for a famous star. While they do their chores (apparently child labor laws aren't enforced in California), the star is kidnapped. Her low-life producer refuses to pay the ransom, but the Kids save the day. Don Snyder sings "The Lemon Grove Kids" twice.

R.D. tried to sell these as TV pilots, without success. He laments that the Hollywood bigwigs are only in it for the dollar. If they were interested in awful, low-budget home movies, R.D. would be the king.

The Lemon Grove Kids truly are the Dead End kids.

Super Tuesday Votes are in!

Thanks to all who voted in Arch Hall poll! I'm glad to see democracy at work!

Based on exit polls, it appears Arch would be better served as a tea-pot warmer. Not a big surprise after Hillary complained about off-shoring valuable rug jobs to Afghanistan. At any rate, we've staved off an "intantaneous transmutation" in the domestic coozy industry.

Look for more hard-hitting polls from this site!

Breathe, My Beautiful Fish Man!

Breathe! Breathe! Breathe ! Breathe!

As we continue to study the respective oeuvres of Kroger Babb and Ray Dennis Steckler, let us not leave behind the work of the amazing Larry Buchanan who gave us "The Eye Creatures", "Mars Needs Women", and the incredible "Curse of the Swamp Creature".

Jeff Alexander -- playing Dr. Simond Trent (the role of a lifetime) -- is obsessed with the "oceanic theory of evolution" and turns normal people into ping-pong ball eyed swamp creatures. Ubiquitous B-movie star (and former Mr. Shirley Temple) John Agar stumbles into the fun. Features a swimming pool that has a current, alligators eating mattress sheets, and voodoo. "Tom," one of the experiments gone awry (and the "beautiful fish man" referenced above), is fed a turtle as a snack. Yum!

I Feel Pretty, thanks to Krog!

I have to admit, "Why Men Leave Home" (aka "The Secrets of Beauty") inspired a new look for me; I have taken Ern Westmore's tips (I'm an oval face) and discovered a lovelier, more confident Lang Jr.. Ern says he can make any woman look more beautiful -- I'm here to say it does the same for men as well. Hats off to Ern!

This run-of-the-mill husband-leaves-home film invokes naps, but has its moments. The "Fat Twins" from Arkansas sing like the Andrews Sisters, but take up more space. Ginger Prince's solo -- The Big Parade -- is fortunately short and unintelligible. Kroger Babb -- the man himself -- makes an appearance as a Hollywood producer. Ern Westmore could have a field day with Krog (a round face). Best part is the introduction at the convention, where the MC announces that Ern Westmore has worked at "Paramount, 20th Century Fox and...Hallmark Films," (Krog's vast cinema empire). Look for Krog's un-subtle pitch for his boozy classic "One Too Many" in Uncle Marty's office. Also, a lady does sit-ups wearing an evening dress.

Krog had success palming off his $1.00 "sex hygiene" manuals during roadshows for "Mom and Dad", but couldn't peddle too many $10.00 make-up kits with this dud. He would never "make-up" his earlier success.

Great Photo!

Discovered this fantastic photo of Arch Hall Jr. and R. D. Stekler taken (I'm assuming) in 2005.

Go here (and scroll down to about the middle):

http://bmovies.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html

Suitable for framing!