"A Slap in the face of every corpse in America!"
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Crummyandhardtofind has uncovered shocking evidence behind next summer’s sacking of Tonight Show host Jay Leno. According to a confidential study obtained by CAHTF, NBC is dumping the lantern-jawed host because demographics show his viewership is dying off at an alarming rate. The network predicts that by March 2009, only 1,840 Leno fans are expected to be alive, and by the July transition, only 57 senior stragglers will still be drawing breath.
Leno was Johnny Carson’s hand-picked successor for the popular Tonight Show when Carson retired in 1992. It was a controversial choice, as Carson bypassed the funnier, edgier Dave Letterman, who would have brought with him a younger demographic. According to the study, the few people who found Leno funny in 1992 were already in their seventies and most didn’t get Letterman’s jokes.
But NBC seems to be neglecting Leno’s potential larger audience – dead people. Former Love Boat star Bernie Kopell is the spokesman for Silent Majority, a Political Action Group based in Washington, D.C. which champions the rights of dead people. (Kopell was selected because of his death-like appearance).
“It’s all about the money,” stated Kopell. “The big networks are unashamedly pandering to living viewers in response to recent consumer studies that show that living viewers outspend their dead counterparts by a ratio of 100 to 0. If you ask me, this is a slap in the face to every corpse in America.”
NBC Vice-president of Programming Bill Fredly responded to the accusation. “Dead people still have The Price is Right and Jimmy Kimmel. As such, we don’t feel we need to compete for that market at this time.”
Silent Majority is considering litigation against NBC to test recent legislation that prohibits discrimination against the dead.
CAHTF will stay on top of this burning controversy and bring you the latest news at it happens.
4 comments:
Lange,
Seeing Bernie Kopel's picture made me nostalgic for what may arguably be the best TV Show of the 70's and 80's. Of course, I'm referring to the "Love Boat". It aired in 1977. That was before TIVO, so in order to catch an episode, one would have to get a later start to Firebird or Uncle Sam's. Two of my favorite episodes were in that premier year: "The Acapulco Connection", starring Charo as a stowaway hoping to make it to America in order to provide for her large family (back when being an illegal immigrant was both acceptable and funny) and "Identical Problem", where twins, wanting to pay only one fare, pose as one person. The latter proves confusing to "Doc" (aka Bernie K), because one twin likes him and the other doesn't. To be sure, that was when Bernie K. was much more alive-looking (but not much).
Thanks for the memories, Lange.
Also, the "Tor tea cup" - is that made by Paragon? If so, that sure would make for some interesting blog reading!
LCdB
Lady C,
Thanks for sharing those "Love Boat" memories; don't forget the stirring episodes starring Sonny Bono and Menudo. I recall there was even an episode with Gene Rayburn (after checking with IMDB, there were actually THREE -- and one on Fantasy Island, to boot!) Gene is no longer with us, but his blank will always be in our hearts!
Regarding the rare Tor Tea Cup n' Cozy, these were actually comissioned by the Royal Family of Liechtenstein in 1983. Tor is considered a hero in this country, after claiming that nationality of his character in "Yucca Flats" (Dr. Joseph Javorsky) was Liechtensteinian.
Happy sipping!
Lang Jr.
Live - well, sort of - from Las Vegas, (aka"Weekend with McMahon's"), I just want to say, "I'm still here!" If there's any doubt, just tune in to the telethon, and watch my lips move (even if I'm not really vocalizing).
Lange, just wanted to remove any doubts and to applaud your blog's new look.
Hiy - oh!
Ed M.
ps Lange, can you help explain Norm Crosby's last joke about the Dr.'s exam? I know I'm old and confused, but did anyone understand that one?
Rock,
Glad to hear from you (that is your voice, isn't it?) Thanks for the comment on the blog. I'm assuming you're one of Jay Leno's fans (at least until next year).
You looked great in your tux at the Telethon. Couldn't find a speck of grave dirt on it. Nice of Trump to have donated the suit along with the house.
Sorry you missed Norm's last joke. Between you, Norm and Jerry, I couldn't find a tube of Dentucreme or a clean Depends.
Your pal, Lang Jr.
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